Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
