I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
