This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
