i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
