New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
