my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
