Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
