im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
