am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
