What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
