Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
