Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
