My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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