I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
