the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
