Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
