Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
