We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
