is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
