He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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