hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
