I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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