He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
