I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
