just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
