Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
