Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
