I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I would ride that face into the sunset
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
