it was like eating out sand paper
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
