just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
