apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
