i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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