My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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