Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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