Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
