all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
