And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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