i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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