how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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