This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
