you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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