Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
