they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
