planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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