Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
