I want to stick my p in your. b.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
