My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Blood and glitter go together right?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
