I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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