she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
