Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
